I listened to a radio program yesterday, reflecting on the life of Vermont author and photographer Peter Miller. (Vermont People and People of the Great Plains) I heard a phrase I think captures something that has been bothering me about the people in the affluent suburbs. I have had the nagging feeling that we have begun to treat one another differently in some vague but menacing way.
Author moved from New York city to a farm in Vermont where he worked for 30 years and wrote most of his novels. Vermonters (whether earned or not) are notoriously unwelcoming. The interviewer asked whether the author was accepted on farm by his neighbors.
The commentator answered that Miller had been accepted because he understood the balance of power in the community. Did this mean that Vermonters accepted him because he could speak their language, that he understood and correctly used farm terms. No, he was never really much of a farmer, nor did his books provide any farming hints. Rather, Miller understood that the balance of power in this small Vermont community meant that he understood that everyone’s time was equally important. Bearing this notion of Balance of Power in mind I spent the last few days observing my fellow western suburb denizens.
I watched the McDonald’s worker try to have the van in front of me pull away from the drive thru window while she waited for her large order. This way the worker could serve the several cars backing up behind her. Next I saw the shift leader speaking with her. Finally I saw the manager trying to get her to move. After ten minutes I got out of my car and approached her car. “Hi, what’s the problem?” I asked. She turned to me and, without removing the cell phone (link to cell-phone etiquette)(Dilbert calls them “phone whores”) from her ear replied, “They are just really slow with my order.” “You could pull into either of those parking spots designated for drive-thru waiting.” I observed. She rolled up her window and I got back in my car.
I was in the “Pick up here” line at my local pharmacy. The woman ahead of me was on the pharmacy phone with her insurance company. Another customer, on her cell phone, had been seated in the waiting area. Still in her phone conversation she stepped to the front of the line and asked for her prescription, but the clerk was bust with the other customer. She then left for the “Drop off prescription here window.” Still on her phone, she clearly was asking for help at that window. I knew this would not happen because they have no registers there. Meanwhile five other people had gotten in the pick-up line. She came charging down the aisle back to our line. The others had not seen her in our line earlier. Once again, she stepped to the front of the line, still on her phone. One of the elderly men turned to the fellow behind him in surprise, “One of us should say something to her.” The other said a little louder, “The line forms at the end ma’am.” She answered “But they called my name.” “Well, did they call you at home?” To this the woman spoke into the phone, “Just a minute, the people here are being rude to me.” This was too much for me, I said to her, all these people got in line while you were at the other counter.” She gave me the stink-eye, “It’s none of your business. I have never been here before, I don’t know how the line works.” I answered, “Like any other line you have been in, it forms at the end.”
Finally, I left my local grocer. As I walked out a car pulled up in front of the store, blocking the path. A perfectly capable woman stepped out of the car and entered the store. I walked around the car and went to my parked van. I put away the groceries. I fiddled with the radio, the heater, and took off my gloves and coat. I pulled out of the stall went down the aisle and returned past the entrance. Much to my surprise, there was the same car. Idling, blocking the sidewalk, waiting for her passenger. Completely disinterested in the other customers forced to step off the sidewalk and make their way around her car.
I am not alone. We all can share similar anecdotes. What has happened to us? How have we lost our awareness of the balance of power? Clearly, each of these women felt their time was more important than anyone else’s. Where does this attitude arise? Is it merely the conspicuous wealth that has engendered a feeling of entitlement? Is it as simple as the cell phone, which has destroyed the barrier between private and public spaces? Are these just examples of selfishness, or are they indicators of a social trend?
As Minnesotans I remember when neighbors had to pull together after a big snow. Shovel cars from drifts. Push cars out of snow banks. Shovel sidewalks so that our neighbors could walk past. Well, these suburbs have no sidewalks. We pay others to plow our driveways. Our streets are plowed before we leave for work.
Have we gained, or have we lost something?
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